he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
