I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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