Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
