you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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