He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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