things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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