he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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