she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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