I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
