no you cant smoke seaweed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you had me at cake vodka
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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