Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
