I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
