im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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