Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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