Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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