Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
