I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
