I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
