We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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