i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
