I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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