sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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