weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How external is "for external use only"?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
