Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize