But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
