i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
