mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
