So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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