She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
