just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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