so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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