I will die if light touches me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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