I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
