i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
