I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
