I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
