My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
