Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
