I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
