I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize