walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
