There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I need to calm my uterus...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
