I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
