32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
