I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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