oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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