I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
