A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
