That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
