i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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