When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
