Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
