had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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