I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
