So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
