either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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