dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
