If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
