I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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