Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize