captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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