dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
