You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
