Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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