Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
