real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
