What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
