i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
