I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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