You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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