we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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